Megan Fox Attached To Candy Girl's Body

People are starting to obsess over Megan Fox’s hotness the way they used to claw their way through magazines looking for Pamela Anderson. I just don’t get it. Sure she’s kind of sexy, if excessive plastic surgery is your thing. She looks like she popped out of a polystyrene mold somewhere in Hugh Heffner’s basement. It’s not for me.

For those of you who do like the six million dollar woman type here’s some good news: Fox Atomic has cast her as the lead in their new supernatural thriller Jennifer’s Body. It’s not good news because the movie will be great or anything, but because it’s Fox Atomic and they don’t really have any morals. Fox has shunted those off into their religion division over at Fox Faith. No, that’s not a joke.

So I expect exposed things from Jennifer’s Body and the things being exposed will hopefully, for all you drooling dudes, will be Megan’s. Not that you’re likely to get nudity, but expect plenty of belly shirts and bra shots. That’s just how Fox Atomic rolls.

The movie is a horror comedy being described as a cross between Heathers and Beetlejuice. It’s about a too perfect cheerleader who becomes possessed and starts killing the boys in her town. Her best friend must try to stop her hellish reign of terror. No word on whether Fox is the killer cheerleader or the uptight best friend who won’t let her get her jollies by bathing in blood.

It’s written by Diablo Cody, aka Brook Busey-Hunt, who wrote a book called “Candy Girl”. She also wrote Juno, which everyone says is quite good, but having read “Candy Girl” I have a hard time believing it. It’s not that “Candy Girl” is bad, after all it’s her recounting of the year she spent as a stripper and that can’t possibly be bad (hubba hubba), but it’s written in a way that makes me think I could have written it, and my low self-esteem tells me that thus it cannot possibly be up to snuff. I guess what I’m saying is that while the content of her strip-o-diary is fascinating her writing style comes off like the sort of thing you’d find among us lousy, second-rate entertainment journalists who are marginally talented enough to turn out a mildly readable piece of shit like this but usually aren’t talented enough to do anything more substantial like a book or a movie script. There’s probably a reason for that, the entertainment beat has been her primary gig… when she’s not stripping or selling movie scripts.

Maybe I simply have a hard time believing anyone who does what I do can have any real societal relevance, but to me the really irritating (and simultaneously sexy) thing about Diablo and her auto-bio strip-off is that she seems to have deluded herself into thinking she’s some sort of nerd, even though she’s a super-hot, heavily tattooed, skinny rock chick who hangs out with cool people and goes to all the awesome parties. Hell, people call her Diablo. Awkward nerds do not go by the name Diablo! Names like that are reserved for people like Sting and for hipster girls who engage in stripping just because they think it might be fun. I enjoyed the book Diablo, and I think I may have a crush you in some primordial way (give me Diablo Cody over Megan Fox any day), but I’m not buying the whole awkward geek thing. I hate it when cool people try to pass themselves off as shy and pathetic geeks. It only makes us real losers seem even worse. Don’t make it suck harder to be me Diablo.